It Happened…
I was 3 1/2 years old when I was sexually abused, my abuser was 19. I believe we (my mom, younger sister and myself) were were living with my grandparents at the time because my parents had recently divorced. From what I can remember it only happened once, but honestly it could have been more, I don’t know, I don’t have a lot of memories from that age. I was a happy child for the most part. My mom stayed at home with us so we were with her most of the time and I enjoyed playing with my sister.
It Was …
My mother’s brother was my abuser, I refuse to call him my uncle anymore. He was my favorite uncle when I was little, he always tickled and spent a lot of time paying attention to us (my sister and me). He is my mom’s only sibling so we were very close. I never told because I never knew there was anything to tell, I was too young to understand what had happened to me. I thought it was a dream for the longest time and never told because I didn’t know I should.
It Made Me Feel…
Ashamed, scared, dirty, confused…the list goes on. I’ve suffered a lot of emotional problems but I never knew they were effects from the abuse. I dealt with shame, guilt, never feeling good enough, bad thoughts and nightmares, I also had trust issues. I always just thought there was something wrong with me, that I was born defected and deserved hell. After coming to the realization of what actually happened to me and the lifetime effects it had on me, I’ve also dealt with anxiety, panic attacks and mild depression.
I Told…
My story is different than most survivor stories that I’ve heard. I never did get a chance to tell about my abuse because I didn’t have to. About 3 years after the abuse he actually came forward and told my parents what he had done and asked forgiveness. My parents chose not to press charges because they believed he was really sorry and a changed newly Christian man, they also brought it before the church they attended and they basically told him he was forgiven, it was in his past and to move on. So neither he or I received any type of counseling or anything. It was then swept under the rug, never to really be spoken of again. So he continued to be a part of my life while growing up. However as I got older I had this weird feeling whenever I was around him, I’d brush it off thinking I was just being weird. My parents never took me to counseling because they were not educated on the effects of childhood sexual abuse and didn’t known I would suffer all that I had. After coming to the realization of how the abuse effected my life, in 2013, is when it all got shaken out from under the rug. I started to talk to my family about the issues I’ve dealt with and how they are a direct result from being sexually abused. I also confronted him, which did not go as well as it did in my head. Most of my family has been super supportive, to the best of their ability. I tried to contact a lawyer about pressing charges but the statue of limitations was past for my state.
I Survived…
I would not have made it as far as I have without the continuous love and support from my husband. He’s been my number one through this all. I have a number of close friends and a few family members who have also been my rock when needed. I started counseling about a year ago and my counselor has been amazing and helped me get to new levels of healing. I’m definitely not where I know I need to be, I’m still working on it but I’m not where I once was, one day at a time, baby steps are better than no steps. Being able to share my story and be heard has helped me tremendously. I feel like I don’t have to be that silent, scared little girl anymore.
I Dream…
My life goal is to educate parents on child body safety. I feel like knowledge is key. Too many people don’t realize how often this happens and how often it happens right under their nose. I think if parents were better educated they could better educate their children as well. Just maybe it would help save a child from abuse. I hope to inspire other survivors and be a comfort so they know they aren’t alone and it’s never too late to speak out. That it’s never to late to find healing. I hope that one day our justice system works better for those who have been abused. I’d love to see the statue of limitations dropped in all states. So many survivors are afraid to speak out or when they do its too late for anything to be done. In my case I’ve always known about my abuse but I never realized how wrong it was because the way my family handled it. I never got a chance to see justice brought to my abuser and I never will. It’s not fair that someone can hurt a child and get away with it. I hope for so much more in the future. I have found my voice and I won’t be silent, I speak about childhood sexual abuse for those who can’t and I always will. I have a very strong desire to be an advocate for those survivors still suffering in silence and the innocent children who haven’t fallen victim to this terrible crime.
I Want…
I want to tell other survivors that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, it may seem like a very long tunnel at times but the light is always there. That they are worth it! I would encourage them to find a good counselor, they will be able to help you move forward on your path to healing. I’m still in the process of healing, but I have hope, hope that this won’t haunt and effect me the way it has forever. To those of you who have never suffered thru this abuse. Please listen, believe and support those who choose to share their story with you. Telling people is so hard, being afraid of the judgment and shunning that happens so often. Make an effort to do some research about abuse and the effects so you can truly be sympathetic toward those hurting. Be a sounding board, let survivors know you have their back and then actually have it. Most of the time I’ve just needed a listening ear to let me vent, I don’t expect you to have answers I just needed someone to hear me, love me and support me.
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if you ever need to talk , I’m here. If you ever need prayer, I’m here. If you ever need to vent , I’m here. No reason, except , it happened and Healing is Freedom! It does not erase the things that have happened but it will set you free, and at this point that comes first. You can never make someone else do the right thing , they have free will. But you deserve Freedom!!! Praying for you Misty!!! I do not have the same story but I am a rape overcomer!!!!
Thank you for sharing. Every one of these stories has a thread of my own story. I stand with you!
It was a baby sitter a couple of times of which I do remember telling my parents. I never saw him again and nothing was ever said about it ever again. Then it was my biological father of which I’ve never said anything because as you all know nobody would believe me. I know it’s had bad effects on me. For years and years I would not wear anything except for long jeans and baggy shirts. Even ehen I went swimming I would be in full length jeans and a t-shirt. I’ve come to grips with it and don’t blame myself because I know I didn’t do anything to deserve it. But it’s definitely a dirty secret that nobody ever wants to hear or know about.
Please pray for my daughter Gaby 17 years old, was rapped then sexually assaulted by a family in law member; now half of the family doesn’t believe her! She has started using alcohol and marijuana to cope. Please pray for her
She is angry and confused.
GABY,,,I DO BELIEVE YOU,,SO SORRY YOU HAVE ASSHOLES WHO DID THIS TO YOU….AND FOR THE FAMILY WHO DOES NOT WANT TO BELIEVE YOU,,,SCREW THEM,,,OR THERE DOING IT TO,,,MY PRAYS YOU FIND THE RIGHT PEAPLE TO HELP YOU…BLESSINGS TO YOU AND YOUR MOM….